Hailey.. This is Bryan

(I wrote this when my uncle died almost two years ago, found it in my computer and felt like sharing)

Hailey.. this is Bryan

Thursday before my Uncle's passing we were sitting in the hospital he was savoring his lime jello and cranberry juice which he refereed to as his wine! Moments later my husband entered the room and Philip looked up and smiled and said “Hailey... this is Bryan.” I quickly replied that he was kinda cute and I might just take him home with me! Philip put his hands up in the air as he exclaimed that he wouldn't touch him! While griping at my Aunt Cindy for not feeding him fast enough! We laughed so hard I almost cried. This was one of the last conversations anyone would hold with my Uncle Philip, he retained his humor up until the end of his life. His humor being something he was so well known for, sometimes a little dirty but always humorous!

A few weeks ago my uncle told me he finally met his calling in life working at the Stepping Stone Shelter. He worked his entire life at jobs trying to improve how people felt about themselves. Finally he found a job where he could not only help people on the outside but he could help improve their souls as well. I know without a doubt the day he quit this job broke his heart. I am not writing this as a testament to all the great things my uncle has done. Yet, anyone who knew him know he was a master at Hair design, floral design, even fruit design and the art of telling everyone his opinion ha ha. I think that is because all of these things make people happy. He was a real people person.

I am a 24 year old Caucasian female. Other then the occasional trip to walmart, I don't know as if I have ever experienced real discrimination or segregation. Until the final days of my uncles life when he could no longer speak or make decisions have we his family had only gotten a slight glimpse of the REAL things he has accomplished. I can't imagine 30 years ago knowing that you were a gay man in small town Kansas and having to deal with the stereo type. Yet, Philip has always been who he is and never has apologized for who he was.

I remember the day my family found out Philip was HIV+. I was probably 4 or 5 years old and it was mother's day. My uncle had been put in the hospital in Hugoton which was odd to begin with because why would he be going to a doctor in Liberal he lived here. I remember my mother being on the phone with a friend and the friend tell her about his disease and the shock and terror it rang upon my family that day. To uneducated people this was a instant death sentence. His hospital room was put under quarantine like he had the bubonic plague! I also remember my mom speaking of this woman whisking in, white coat and red high heals! Then I think I pictured her as some sort of an Angel. This woman was Dr. Sweet one of the worlds leading AIDS doctors! How lucky was he to be blessed with a guardian angel who knew her stuff! Instantly this became the “dark” family secret no one talked about. Few people knew and when others found out it always seemed to cause him grief so no one spoke of it unless he brought it up. Can you imagine living with something like that and still holding your head high every day of your life? I my friends do not think I am that strong. Since this many years have past and I would like to think my Uncle Philip lived his life to the fullest he could have.

In the past month I think he decided he wasn't afraid to shout it from the rooftops about his disease. I say good for him. He survived 20+ years with this disease. I do not think it is something to be ashamed of. Cancer kills people in far less time than that. We are all human and make mistakes each and every day that could put our lives in jeopardy. So why should he be damned and mocked for a mistake that people make every day. We all play with fire and eventually in some manner we all get burned. In the final days of my Uncle's life I saw a tiny glimpse of what he had overcome his entire live. People who turn their heads and close their minds because you are different. Yet, there are so many people who don't! I think those are the people who make life worth living. St. Catherine Hospice- Absolutely amazing people. God blessed us the day they walked through our door allowing us to go back to being family members instead of workers. Words cannot express what these people do every day, knowing most of their patients are going to die yet they bend over backwards to meet your every need and request.

Ladena Perez- A ***** (5 star)Nurse who fought for my uncle when he couldn't fight for himself and did everything she could to make his last moments ones he deserved.

Norma Velasquez-A case worker who cared so much she drove to Liberal brought us food and sat with us for HOURS and even after my uncles passing continued to sit and comfort us while she was dealing with the loss of a friend whom she has dealt with for the last six years of my uncles life! She knew him well and still loved him ha ha ha!!!

Brennemans- caring loving people who do everything they can to make your last wishes possible and be a outstanding comfort to your family.

Last but never the least- the AMAZING out poor of love-thoughts-prayers our family has received in the last month from friends and family has been breath taking.

A quick not to the spectators and speculators: sometimes you have to walk more than a mile in someones 
shoes to know what is going on. A day in the life is no comparison to living a life and being there 
everyday while you watch someone lose there life and run through every emotion across the board. 
Anger-sadness-happiness-relief- you name it my family has been through it in the last month but never 
letting love slip from sight NOT even once. 
My uncle's sole rest in heaven now as he has made his peace here on earth with God, 
as we must all do someday. Yet he will forever more be loved and missed by us all.