So Now What?

 Here I sit in my "Eat Pray Love" moment trying to figure out what my word is. ( for those of you who haven't seen it, she is asked her word to describe herself) So I turn to google because, well.. I don't speak Italian so nothing I say is gonna sound as beautiful rolling off the tongue! Spaesato.. there it is my word:Lost, which sounds so much cooler in another language.
 I'm pretty sure I am in the midst of an mid/mid-life crisis! Throwing myself the biggest pity party one could every ask for! I reached the 26th year of my life and behold I have no clue what to do with myself. I am on the brink of leaving the place I have know forever and the people I have known forever( don't get me wrong it is exactly what I wanted just not quite how I planned it) and I am pretty much dumbfounded. I think part of the issue here is I have absolutely nothing to do. I mean NOTHING! for the first time in I don't know how long. My kids can get up and function just fine without me, my husband is living hundreds of miles away from me which is mind boggling considering that up until 5 months ago we went almost 10 years with never going more than four days without seeing each other. I have currently quit working, which there is my career that I have poured my heart into and like the great American dream I have beat the hell out of it until I am not even sure if that is what I want to do anymore. Insight: I'm also seriously insecure in the fact that outside my small home town will I actually be worth a shit at what I do! For the first time there is no overwhelming chaos going on. There is no need to have life kicked into high speed just to make it through. Instead I have life set on cruise control..in road construction..during heavy traffic waiting for the next change of speed zone which if you know me is not something I am comfortable with.

 With that I find myself Spaesato! Lost looking to find passion again about something, let alone anything in my life. If only that were something you could buy at Sam's club or Costco.. in bulk! Who am I, what am I doing and what am I going to do.. What am I going to be when I grow up lol! It may be a little late for that last statement!!


Until til next time..

H